We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
