:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
