either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
