I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
