If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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