I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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