it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize