we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
