You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
