I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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