their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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