He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
