Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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