He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
