I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
