It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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