I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
