They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
