I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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