She is in my trunk
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
