she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
