Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
