He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She bit a glass in half.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
