You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
