A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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