my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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