I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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