Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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