Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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