We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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