Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
