you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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