Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
