$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
