Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
