IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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