when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
