someone threw a dead crab at me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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