The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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