I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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