you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
we should paint friendship bongs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
