She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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