did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
