Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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