Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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