Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was born a porn star she said
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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