Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Drunk is not a location!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
