shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
