Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
