i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
