There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
