can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
