i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
