but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
