Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
