My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
