What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
