In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
