Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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