my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
