so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize