I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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