i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
