We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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