Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
