do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
