my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
