Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
