I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
