The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
