Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
