I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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