I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
