Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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