I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
