Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
