Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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