There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
