Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The uberlube is also flammable
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize