I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize