I got chris browned last night
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
