I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
