Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
