in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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