he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
