did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
