I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
