It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
