end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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