I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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