If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
