mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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