so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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