i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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