is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
