the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
