I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
